patience standing :: just want to smother those little cheeks with kisses

jameson’s first self portrait :: so i obviously left the camera on and sitting on the floor…

jimmy went to yoga :: you can thank me later for not posting pictures of that first

and this is my 50-first post :: only took me what, three years?


left to my own devices

:: get new nose ring

:: order pizza for dinner, white. with coke.

:: put kids to bed on time

:: put on my favorite bath and body works white citrus lotion after shower that makes his eyes swell shut and closes his throat when sitting in other room with door shut (an aside here-this list is only here because we don’t have a bathtub. if we had a tub i would be in it right now with a bottle of wine, a bath pillow, and tom petty, forget the shower) (and that is tom petty on CD…)

:: bake for family Christmas party tomorrow

:: let the cats in (i really only included this one because he’d accuse me of it anyway)

:: watch star wars (on vhs, of course) because there is no way i could get away with putting it in if he were here (another aside, bridget jones’ diary was first, but best friend is borrowing it)

:: search everywhere for camera usb cord to upload pictures…no luck

:: polish toes

:: read this, and miss my friend while thinking happy thoughts about her

:: renew my 4th grade mark hamill crush

:: sleep diagonal on bed all. night. long.

:: and last…make him his own special loaf of banana bread just so he knows he was missed

since i gave up hope i feel alot better

that is actually the title of a cynical steve taylor song. well, that wasn’t very descriptive, i guess, as most of his songs are quite cynical…but i digress.

this is me filling in the blank: since i ____________ , i feel alot better

:: quit trying try to keep up with my fantasy football team at the beginning of this season, i feel alot better…and i’m actually winning again. go figure

:: gave up trying to get christmas pictures done in time for christmas and settled on “new year’s cards,” i feel so much better…everyone was sick and snotty for so long there was no point in trying to get a decent picture.

:: put up the christmas tree and decorations – well, i may not feel better, but i sure do smile every time i glance over at any of them

:: went to yoga this morning for the first time in forever, i feel alot better. but don’t ask me tomorrow, i may not be able to move

:: decided to just laugh and clean up this mess…(that’s five decks of cards, by the way)

some observations about being sick

i walked through our bathroom yesterday and this is what the counter looked like…

  • various bottles of ibuprofen, acetaminophen and claritin for the kids
  • saline and squeezer-snot-sucker that i swore i’d never use (ick!) for patience
  • my personal drug of choice – nyquil – for jimmy
  • some kind of kick-butt, better-than-letting-them-die-and-we-can’t-afford-it-anyway cough syrup sample and syringe from the pediatrician
  • pen and paper because, seriously, there is no. possible. way. i can hope to remember when three kids all last took their various meds (and a possible side effect of over-dosing on the kick-butt cough syrup is brain damage) (whaaat?!?)
  • burt’s bees chapstick for sore noses (yes, it really works. and yes, it might sting for a second, but suck it up)
  • and, vick’s vapo steam for the vaporizer

i was going to title this post “drug paraphernalia” but i thought i might get lots of google hits looking for something else

observation I – there really is nothing luxurious about being sick when you have kids. not that i enjoyed being sick when i was single or when it was just me and jimmy, but there was a certain aahhhhh to be indulged in once you’d made the call to your boss and knew you had the rest of the day to lay in bed and revel in your miserableness. and then, as you felt a little better, you could eat whatever you felt like eating (you’re sick, remember, and need to keep your strength up. have another chocolate chip cookie!), maybe read a book or watch a movie and doze…those days are over when you have kids. not happening. that’s all.

observation II – as grateful as i am for doctors and those kick-butt meds and antibiotics and all…do you ever wonder at how we just trust doctors? i mean, they are giving us stuff that could cause brain damage and shots that can possibly give us rashes and inflammations and breathing problems, and we really have no idea what to do, we just want our kids to get better. so we go ahead with these treatments. and as educated as we want to be, we aren’t doctors so we don’t always have the answers when our kids are hurting, and we choose to go to the people who (hopefully) do have the answers. or at least more answers than we do…but it’s a level of trust i question every time i take one of the babies in.

observation III – even sick kids will eat peppermint brownies. just sayin’

observation IV – (maybe more Disclaimer or Confession than actual Observation, but i’ve got a flow going here) so i might have enjoyed being sick just a little when jimmy and i were first married and had not yet embarked on the madness that is Parenthood. but it is just because he was so thoughtful and eager to get whatever i wanted and i didn’t actually have to get up unless i wanted to. but give me a break, it’s not as if i ever pretended to be sick (or sicker than i was) just for some sympathy or the sake of laziness or anything…


the black canyon of the gunnison - one of the overlooks with railings

do you ever feel like you’re becoming your mother? well, not really my mother, because my mom is not a worrier and was never really a nag…but maybe becoming what you think moms are? jimmy and i were on vacation in colorado last week, and it was beautiful. and awe-inspiring. and craggy. and dangerous. yes, i said it, dangerous. and i’ve hiked in alaska with the risk of grizzlies. and caved. and rappelled. and went underwater caving in ukraine, which couldn’t have been safe. but it was fantastic!

but jimmy and i were walking on a path to an overlook, and i actually lost my nerve to stand as close as i could to the edge and look over.  i was having a hard time going down the path without my heart racing with thoughts of sliding over the side. when i would go hiking with my grandparents as a kid, i never understood why grandma always said she liked going uphill better. i mean, downhill was so much easier and you could get a good speed going. uphill, my knees burned and i got short of breath. but going uphill at the black canyon of the gunnison in colorado last weekend, i think i finally understood what she meant. it felt so much better to be walking up and away from the edge of the precipice than it did walking towards it…i was actually relieved to be getting away. i was shocked at the feeling and couldn’t help wondering, have i lost my nerve? am i going to be the mom yelling at jameson, mercy, and baby hester-to-be to get away from the edge and killing all their childhood fun and daring? and since when do i think of railings as anything more than something to crawl over/under to get to the really spectacular views?

and let’s think a moment about boating and water skiing. i loved knee-boarding as a kid. and tubing. there was nothing better than the wind, the speed, fighting your friends to be the last one on the tube, and then getting flung off in the end because the driver is tired of circling and wants a turn. but the last time i found myself waiting for the boat to come get me, treading water and watching it circle back, i started getting a paranoid feeling about what could be under me in the water…and is it really more afraid of me than i am of it… …and where is that darn boat, already?!

well, i don’t know. i know i kept telling myself in colorado that it’s because i’m pregnant and out of balance…and that’s what i’ll believe until it’s proven otherwise. (and i know i don’t have a defense for the water-fear, but give me a minute and i’ll come up with something)

this and that

not too much going on right now. trying not to mourn the end of summer…it isn’t too hard when i can sit outside and enjoy the afternoon without sweating, but a little sad when i think of putting the kiddie pool away soon. actually, the pool is now almost two years old and between me bending the sides to let the water out (it has to be rinsed at least every other day thanks to the nice florida sun or else it turns green) and the cows stepping in it to cool their tootsies and get a drink, it’s about had it. so it will actually be retired this year in a more permanent way. but i feel like my summer just started after the kids’ daily swim lessons ended about three weeks ago and so i am a little sad now that it’s already september.

yesterday i was trying to work out how to get new pjs for the kids, along with some new shoes for mercy (ever tried to buy kids’ shoes not made in china?) since we just started our new budget and have not yet built up enough cash in the “kids’ clothes” envelope to pay for it all. i knew i had a box of clothes for mercy from my friend’s sister, but was thinking the next grouping was 24 months and they’d be too big. but, i found a whole box of 18-month clothes, including at least seven pj sets! woo hoo! i had tears in my eyes pulling it all out to hang and put away. not only does mercy have new pjs, but a whole new wardrobe as well.  i don’t know about you, but when i put our out-grown pjs away, it’s only because i know our kids will be the ones wearing them. i’d be a little hesitant to give them to another family because they are pretty worn out…but these are all almost brand new looking (meaning, no dirty knees or footies). so, thank you amy, what a blessing your sharing is!

i’m finally reading a great book one of my cousins suggested when i was pregnant with jameson, hints on child training, by h. clay trumbell. it was written by a man in his 60s after he raised his family of eight. and, if that isn’t enough of a recommendation, he is also elisabeth eliot’s grandfather. anyway, the chapters are very short and to the point, and so far, it has been a great solidifying agent for some of my ideas. it also has had a few ouch! moments for me, such as the chapter on why you don’t scold a child; but it’s simplicity and straight-forwardness make it difficult take offense or put it down without feeling like it is possible to be a better parent. more to come on it, i’m sure.

superbowl notwithstanding

what looked to be a mundane weekend at the start, turned out pretty good…

things are tight financially, both because they are and because we are trying to stick to a budget. so even though i included a quarterly haircut in that budget, i did not include pedicures. i was sorely in need of one saturday and decided to do it myself. this is something i usually enjoy doing, especially since i can actually reach my toes for the first time in over two years without straining over a belly. but, have you ever tried to give yourself a pedicure with a two-year old running around? first, jameson decided to take everything out of my “nail box” and line up all the polishes on the ledge behind the couch. then, every time i snipped a nail he had to point to it and say, “shoo, shoo” (translated: dirty, trash). we don’t have a bath tub, so i was soaking my feet in a bowl. jameson loves loves loves playing in water. doesn’t matter if it’s in the sink, the shower, a puddle, the cat bowl, or now my feet-soaking bowl. so he’s throwing water all over the place. after this is the polishing part…”toes, mama, toes” pointing to his own and trying to point to (ie, touch) mine. so maybe i might miss, just a little, the days of jimmy polishing them for me.

had a great family birthday party saturday night at jimmy’s parents. not only did jameson score some great things (including a child-sized camo snuggie ??), but i got some cash and a starbuck’s gift card – so i can enjoy my overpriced coffee guilt-free!

sunday morning, i was scheduled to pray for the last hour of the “forty hours of prayer” at our church with the other elders’ wives. it was the earliest i’ve been up in a while and between my grogginess and trying to gather everything jimmy would need to bring with the kids later, it was a pretty rough morning. as i was getting in the jeep to leave, jimmy looked at me and asked, “why are you so irritated with me? what did i do? don’t you want to go pray?” “not really,” i answered, not very sweetly. ok, just breathe i told myself and then asked him to pray for me, assuring him it was my sour mood, not anything he’d done. he prayed for me, and it was amazing how my heart softened. it prepared me to have a pretty fantastic prayer time with some really great ladies. ended up being a good follow-up to my saturday morning reading

during the superbowl, i finally found a use for that stainless mortar and pestle that i had to have, which has since sat in the oubliette of a corner cabinet in the kitchen, gathering crumbs. (really, how do crumbs get into all those cabinets and drawers?) …toss a handful of mint leaves in the bowl, add three tablespoons of sugar, squeeze half a lime over it and grind until the sugar dissolves. pour over ice and add rum and soda water. mmm, mojito bliss! thank you, jen!

and last, but not least…jimmy is working in kissimmee this week, so rather than drive back and forth, we are going to stay at fcc the next three nights where i will have unlimited access to my very dear anastasia! i’m so excited i can hardly stand it!